eats and thoughts.

yesterday was another home run in terms of nutrition. i ate:

m1: omelette w. egg/egg whites, spinach, mushroom, onion, green pepper, romano cheese, butter
m2: oatmeal w. hemp protein powder, blueberries, agave
m3: tangerines, string cheese, walnuts
m4: post wo shake w. banana, berries, whey and greens powder, nf yogurt, nf milk
m5: ahi tuna, veggies, white rice
m6: .5 chicken breast, brussel sprouts, kidney beans
m7: mega salad w. spinach, mixed greens, cucumber, green pepper, carrot, avocado, nf cottage cheese, salsa, olive oil

it feels SO good to be eating clean again and i'm also on day 4 of no coffee. i absolutely notice a difference in my energy levels. i feel like i get hungry sooner when i'm eating small frequent meals (duh) but it's a real hunger and i don't get that sluggish heavy feeling that i get when i'm eating bigger meals. the thing i'm being so blown away with right now is the power that habits, both good and bad, have over me. for some reason something has been holding me back mentally all this time from applying the habits that i learned in another country and a completely different environment to my life back here in the states. it's a little embarrassing to admit, but it really has taken me this many months to find the motivation to do that. and i feel like motivation is the only thing that's holding me back because as i find myself re-instilling these habits into my daily life i am slapped in the face by the realization that it simply is a choice that i make, and that i make again, and that i make again until all those little choices add up to what i define as my lifestyle. it's such a simple concept, but it somehow has been easily contorted in my head since i've been home. as i've been seriously looking at why that is i've realized that part of it is probably that i'd fallen back into the habits that i associated with this environment...i.e. living the way i lived in portland (mostly eating the way i was eating) before i moved to spain and learned a different way. this is one of those unconscious associations i had created between being in portland and functioning a specific way here. i kept blaming it on my job, which granted isn't doing me any favors in terms of weight loss. i know that maintaining low levels of body fat requires a high level of discipline, but being in an environment where i'm staring at pastries for 6-8 hours straight certainly isn't helping my efforts. regardless, i have somehow finally had the epiphany that is allowing me apply the knowledge that i learned in spain (that hasn't gone anywhere) to my life here and create a whole new association between my habits and the choices i make in my life here (and hopefully anywhere else from now on!). this all still continues to be a huge learning process (i guess you can include me in the slow learners club) and i've gotten to the point where i'm no longer willing to let my guard down and act as if i've mastered the whole lifestyle change part...i'm acknowledging that that part may continue to be a struggle for me even for years to come, but i'm proud of myself for continuing to show up and get up after progressing and rebounding so many times. i'm not content to be unhappy with how i look or with modifying my expectations of myself...i've never come close to throwing in the towel and it feels amazing to be back on track and have it feel more or less effortless for now :)