still alive.

okay, so to be perfectly honest the last month has been one of the most stressful and emotionally trying of my life. getting home and trying to redefine my place in the world has been more difficult than i ever could have imagined and i've been an emotional wreck. it's been so difficult for me to maintain everything that i created and worked towards over my last few months in spain, especially being someone who is hardwired to turn to food when i get emotionally overwhelmed. i have to admit that i've done my fair share of that over these past few weeks. what have i learned from it all? well, that eating to escape my emotions didn't work in the past and it still doesn't work. in fact, it sends me into a state of feeling so unbalanced that i literally can't think straight. last week i finally got fed up with feeling that way and decided that it's time to get serious about my training and nutrition again. with everything in my life feeling so uncertain (my career, my relationship, my faith), this is the one area that i know i can control and that taking control of it inevitably makes everything else make more sense. there is this strange correlation between those two and i notice such a difference between my mental state when i'm eating right and exercising that i sometimes wonder if i have a chemical imbalance that exercise corrects...i'm not sure why, but it makes it blindingly clear that i need to make this a # 1 priority in my life. so, at the beginning of this week, i re-committed to the bare minimum of 3 turbulence training workouts per week. i'm combining that with the anabolic diet (low carb/high protein/high fat) because i've wanted to try it for a while and it somehow is what feels most manageable at this point. i'll go into more details about the diet soon for those of you who are unfamiliar. at this point, suffice it to say that today is day 4 on the diet and i feel better than i have in weeks. will try to get pictures up again soon and get back to posting my progress. the bruises hurt a bit but i'm getting my butt back on the bandwagon.